When Did We Start Hating Rom-Coms?

Women are told that romantic comedies give them unrealistic expectations of men. Yet women who become more realistic about men's potential behaviour are often criticised for being cynical, demanding or unwilling to give men a chance.

The slow rise of hostility towards rom-coms

Romantic comedies have long been dismissed as predictable, shallow, unrealistic and intellectually undemanding, with their happy endings often presented as evidence of their lack of artistic merit. Yet these criticisms become more interesting when placed alongside the cultural treatment of other genres.

Whereas action films can rely on repetitive narratives, implausible scenarios and predictable conclusions without their audiences necessarily being accused of childishness or delusion. Male-centred franchises can celebrate violence, power fantasies and emotionally unavailable protagonists while retaining cultural legitimacy. Yet, stories centred on women's emotional lives are frequently treated as disposable entertainment

The problem is not that rom-coms are beyond criticism - it is that the criticism of women's media has historically extended beyond the quality of the work itself to the supposed inadequacy of the women who enjoy it.

There are three main ideas I think are worth considering when discussing a topic that might seem trivial at first but actually connects to many wider contemporary issues;

1. The trivialisation of feminine interests Interests associated with women and girls are often treated as less intellectually substantial precisely because of their perceived audience. This extends beyond film to celebrity culture, fashion, pop music and young adult fiction.

2. The weaponization of the unrealistic romance argument Rom-coms are criticised for creating unrealistic expectations of men and relationships. There is a legitimate discussion to be had about idealisation, but why is the audience blamed for enjoying a fictional fantasy rather than simply understanding it as fiction?

3. The changing nature of the criticism There is a difference between criticising a particular film for its outdated gender roles and treating the entire genre, or the women who enjoy it, as inherently embarrassing.

Death of the fairy-tale romance

Traditional fairy-tale romance offers a recognisable promise: love is transformative, the right person will recognise your worth, and emotional vulnerability will ultimately be rewarded. Contemporary audiences, however, are increasingly exposed to conversations about the potential dangers of heterosexual relationships, from sexual harassment and coercion to rape, domestic abuse, manipulation and emotional degradation. For women, this creates a difficult contradiction. They are still culturally encouraged to desire romance, but are simultaneously expected to recognise its potential costs. The contemporary woman is not necessarily losing her interest in romance. She may be losing her willingness to suspend her judgement in order to participate in it. A study by the University of Michigan examined women's responses to questions about aggressive romantic behaviour after watching a series of films with differing themes. They found that women who watched films featuring persistent romantic pursuit were more likely to accept stalking myths.

Women are told to become more discerning. But what happens when discernment is not matched by an equivalent cultural expectation that men examine their own behaviour?

Heightism, accountability and the contemporary dating crisis

One of the most interesting tensions in modern dating discourse is the apparent disconnect between men's complaints about romantic rejection and the reasons women give for disengaging from dating. Some men frame their difficulties through physical characteristics, including height, facial attractiveness or other perceived disadvantages in the dating market. There are genuine questions to explore here about beauty standards, superficiality, algorithmic dating and how dating apps can amplify appearance-based judgements.

If a man interprets his romantic difficulties exclusively through factors he cannot change, he may have little incentive to consider the factors he can: how he treats women, how he handles rejection, whether he respects boundaries, how emotionally mature he is, or whether he approaches relationships as a mutual responsibility rather than something he is owed. The problem is not that men experience rejection, nor that appearance-based discrimination never occurs. It is that structural explanations can become a convenient substitute for personal introspection. This distinction matters because men can experience genuine loneliness, insecurity and alienation without those experiences automatically entitling them to women's attention or affection.